Set The Heart Free

It's been nearly two years, since I choose to be alone, and not having a -romantic- relationship with anybody. To the point of I clearly love being in love with myself. To be alone. To not committed. To not feel love. And I found peace with that. I feel like I'm on my most comfort zone and got nothing to worry about.

Everyone knows the feeling of being broken. I've been there too. And it hurts, so much, to the core. I experienced mixed emotions, of sorrow, anger, hopeless, and.... traumatic. I know, I am never whole. I am never the same again. And through my healing period, I learned so much. To not giving my heart easily. To not trusting people deeply. And to not falling in love... utterly.

So I built a huge defenses in my self, which set me apart of others. No one can touch it, no one can destroy it. Until... I met this, one particular person.

Isn't it astonishing, and weird, how the universe works? Just when I thought that I better of alone, that I don't need anybody to complete me, that I don't seek for love nor relationship, and right then... I meet someone who make me melt. Someone I never think of, someone who has different world from mine, someone who never on my list, but right when he came to my life, I know everything has changed.

I feel what's coming, but I tried to deny, and even escaped. I'm scared.

But you know what, maybe we just can't run away from love. "When it's right, it just clicks." And.... yes. Our heart know what it wants. There's something in him that I can't resist. There's something in him that always bring me this.... kind of feeling.... oh I can't even described it. But I know you know, right? :)) My years of defense collapsed just like that. Before I recognize it, I'm falling in love with him. And then I realize, that we can never say no, to love. :)

Am I ready for this new relationship? Actually, and honestly.... no. There are so many fears, and doubts, going on in my head. I'm scared to be the one who love more, who give more, who trust more, who care more. I doubt that he loves me the same as I love him, that he will love me for who I am, that he will accept me for all the flaws and past. And one thing I can't afford of, is: to know that one day, he will leave me.

But I decided to jump. To set my heart free, and let my heart do what it wants, and what it needs. Maybe I'll never be the same me, just like the past. Everything in life is already changed. I grew up. I took lessons. I think a lot. I make move gradually. But one thing that I can assure will never change is: how I'm capable of giving all this love, within his chest.

I'll love him as much as I can, as deep as I will, and as fierce as I want. I will give it all, and love him until my heart content.

Just because I love him. :)