Muse On 20

I was musing about what recently happened in my life, as I turned to twenty on last November. It got me thinking, contemplating actually about everything. The past, the present and the future all at once. What have I done, what have I reach, what will I do and what will I become.

It’s so strange how we develop as we grow up. I mean, I guess it’s not, actually. Growth is development, but I think it’s strange how we sometimes actually become the opposite of who we once were. 

I used to cling to comfort, is what I’m getting at, because I needed security when I had no control over the things happening around me. But as I grew up and went out on my own, discovered “me,” experienced the world for myself, I realized that now I'm the owner of myself. I'm the one who take control of everything. It scares me now, too. Now, comfort means that I’m not moving forward.

No one is a fan of growing old, I guess why it terrifies me so much is because it may actually result to even a much harder situation at some point, of saying goodbye. But at t the age of 20 (yes it just have been approximately 3 months), I am blessed to witness a lot of changes, opportunities and experiences in my life.

20 is not just the gate of maturity, but it contains of a lot of responsibilities I should put on my shoulder. I can't rely on anybody, I have to urging myself, because who's gonna stay in my life, except me after all?

Now I'm officially know what people means of phrase life is jungle. Yes, that's how life is, you see. It’s a jungle because in each and every step that you take, you learn how to survive. And it’s in your blood, the strength and power to survive. These dreams, these goals you are meant to achieve, they’re like a picture you receive in the beginning of the journey. How do you survive? By learning how along the way. Come to think of it, we didn't know how to do anything in life. We can never fully understand life because no one really knows how to really live. We learn by seeing, hearing, we do it by living. 

But what matters is that people around me are the most supportive human beings, and to me that's more than enough. So it really is a blessing to be surrounded by such outstanding people, to learn from beautiful minds. For having the best family and best friends that always take a good care of me, I can't ask for more.

Yes, I won't fear to take every consequences of my choices. I will absolutely make many mistakes, I will probably getting hurt, or falling down, but one thing I know is, there's always lessons lies in it. So no matter how much I fall, I will be able to get myself up, again. 

I'm still young.

And the most important thing is, I'm still not 21 anyway :P

Love,